Listening: The Secret to Finding Your Next Life Adventure

“If someone is dull or uninteresting, it’s on you. You’re not listening.” - Kate Murphy

One month ago, I stood dead in the middle of my first Salsa Night. 

Looking for an adventure, I found myself in a random ballroom with basically zero dance experience. I had overheard about this event from a friend and just decided to take a chance. Around me, pairs of partnered dancers moved stylishly on the floor.

Yet all I could do was stand there trembling looking toward the exit. “What am I doing here?”

Just as I was getting ready to cut my losses and rethink the whole night, a girl walked over and asked to practice some Bachata footwork. I guess she caught me planning my escape and decided to interfere. Offering her hand, we walked out onto the dance floor and began to move our feet. 

Nothing was clicking. We stood face to face holding each other’s hands. I tried moving my arms gently, but every time I stepped forward it felt more like I was openly swinging at my partner. Losing her hands at every turn, I also kept coming dangerously close to knocking her out.

The whole thing was looking a little less like Dancing Queen and a little more like Rocky 2. Tripping over myself, I grew frustrated. 

But then something happened; I stopped trying to fight the song and listened to the rhythm instead. 

That’s when things got interesting.

I noticed our feet began to match the pace. As the room filled with simple counts of trumpets and bongos, I started to find a beat. The disco lights reflecting off the walls synchronized with the music. The song began to move through our bodies. Each step, swing, kick, and spin followed a note. I started laughing, unable to resist smiling at the energy of the moment.

This is when it hit me. In the middle of taking one of these steps, I realized something: two days ago this situation couldn’t be further from reality.

I wasn’t a dancer. I barely knew how to spell “Bachata” this morning. In fact, until 24 hours ago, my weekend plans consisted of little more than playing the new FIFA game. But there I was: finding a new passion in the intricate styles of latin dance. 

“How did this happen?”, I wondered. “Can anyone find themselves on adventures similar to the one from that night?” “Was this all luck?”

No. I just listened.

Just like my body had to listen to enter the dance, I would never have entered that ballroom if I hadn’t listened to my friend Jackie talk about salsa nights.

Overhearing a conversation at work about her salsa club, I took an interest in her passion and asked her to tell me everything. And as she excitingly shared her dancing hobby I was handed a new adventure: try out salsa dancing. 

On this quest, I drove across town exploring new ballrooms and dance studios I didn’t know existed, found conversations with dancers I would have never met, and lost myself interacting with music on a whole new level.

What a surprise! And all it took was some curiosity and listening.

It turns out, the best adventures stare us in the face every day, but we don’t bother looking twice. To see them, it only takes some good listening.

The problem is that in our busy world, listening is seen as irrelevant. Many conversations today devolve into people talking at each other, rather than to one another. It’s a lot of “me! me! me!” back and forth without a care of the other person’s interests or ideas.

So embrace listening.

Next time you find yourself in a conversation, ask yourself, “Am I truly listening? What adventure is hiding on the other side of this conversation?”

Because really, all great adventures started with some good listening: 

It took listening to Obi-Wan for Luke to finally explore the galaxy. Listening to Hagrid was the only way Harry became a wizard. Without listening to Doc, Marty Mcfly would have never time traveled.

When people talk about their interests, they are holding out a baton. We can either take the baton and go on that adventure – go to their salsa lesson, read that book they’re discussing, run that triathlon they’re excited about - or we can keep waiting for our turn to speak. 

So just take the baton. Adventures await.